She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
