dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
