The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
