I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
