shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
