Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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