My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
