My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
