GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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