Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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