How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
