I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
