Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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