I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
