Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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