That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
