there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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