Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
