So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
