my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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