Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
