Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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