Three words: puerto rican gang bang
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
