Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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