What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
