Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
