Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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