ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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