"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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