Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
