I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
