i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
