shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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