I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
