Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
