you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
