I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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