sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My cat gives me a boner
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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