Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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