I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think a kid would responsible me up
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
They have beer where we have blood.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
