Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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