You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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