Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
