i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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