i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
