Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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