Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
