mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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