You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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