from now on my penis is your penis
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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