I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
