maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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