there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
