My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
