You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
