My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
