What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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