I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
