I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
