Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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