Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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